Anamnesis
by Mellissa Redman
Summary: It has been over twenty years since Ultimecia’s defeat. The nation of Galbadia has descended into a bloody civil war. Garden as an organization is under serious international scrutiny. Facing new threats from old enemies, Squall and his friends must uncover the truth about the first Sorceress War before history repeats itself. Rated T for violence, language, and suggestive themes.
1. Astrid

Quistis pushed a stray hair behind her ear. It was a habit of hers that signaled the beginning of an angry lecture. I straightened in my seat and leaned forward, resting my elbows on the edge of a stack of reports I had been ignoring for a week. This'll be good.

"Did my daughter come in here this morning?"

My daughter. I rolled my eyes. 'She has a name,' I thought. That was half the trouble right there. Of all the things in the world that weren't my business, Quistis' relationship to her children was definitely on the list.

"Well?"

I nodded and held her gaze. Quistis' expression, which was already stony when she entered my office without knocking, went flat. Her eyes narrowed and she chewed her lip. She opened her mouth to speak but stopped and sighed.

"I don't see why you're advising her against taking the field exam. She's ready. She's old enough, and frankly, it'll be good for her. I don't need you confusing her!" It had been awhile since Quistis had been angry with me. It had been brewing though. At least since the divorce had been finalized. Her kids were spending a lot of time with my own...and by default also with me. I didn't mind their presence though. Our younger kids were the same age and played well together, so it made entertaining my boys easy.

The field exam season was upon Garden and Quistis had been dealing with forming squadrons, paperwork, and of course daily teaching. Honestly, I'd expected to see Astrid in my office months ago.

"Her abilities are excellent, yes," I began. "But ultimately the decision to participate is Astrid's. I certainly wouldn't encourage or dissuade any student from the field exam. She wanted to discuss other opportunities she could pursue once she's finished at Garden."

"She's fifteen, she's a kid!! And you're putting ideas in her head!" Quistis' voice was low pitched and hoarse. Like she'd been yelling before she came up here.

I didn't reply. Not because I didn't want to, but it was a tactic I used over the years to disarm her. It didn't work every time.

"Let me guess, her father talked to you? Just what I need, someone ELSE criticizing the way I raise my kids."

"No, I haven't spoken to Seifer since his last report. I'm not interested in your problems with him, Quistis."

Quistis' face paled. Maybe I shouldn't have gone there, I thought. She blinked and kept her eyes closed a moment too long. When she opened them she flashed her gaze toward the ceiling then back at me.

I'd never seen Quistis shed a tear in all the time I'd known her. Not when she had FIRST lost her role as instructor 20 years prior. Not when her relationship with Seifer fell apart. And not now, but she was close. I felt a pang of guilt. Quit being a dick.

"...I'm sorry. Look, you need to take some time off." God knows I could use some.

"When?! How, Squall?! The exam is in a month, I have end of semester grading, and are you forgetting that we are in serious negations with Galbadia? I have a meeting with the foreign secretary in a week!"

Shit. I had forgotten about that meeting. I would need to be present too. It had been delayed by almost a year because of the fractured Galbadian government. Two thirds of the ruling party refused to enter peace talks and retaliated by occupying Winhill then, as a display of power, established a "new capital" in the Dingo Desert. The borders closed and by consequence every SeeD away team in Galbadia was trapped.

Some twelve were stationed there. Four managed to escape months into the blackout, four more were discovered and imprisoned in the D-District prison. Two teams lost their lives trying to escape. One team retreated to Deling and was still there as volunteer informants.

The final team, Seifer's, managed to cross over the northern border to Dollet when the military rule began. Out of necessity I put him in charge of the Deling team and assisting in liberating political prisoners in the surrounding government outposts in the Obel Lake area. He was also a direct connection to the Deling team who managed to arrange the meeting. Getting everyone home safely hinged on the outcome of this meeting. God, how could I have forgotten?!

Deafening silence settled over both of us. A phone rang a few times down the hall and footsteps approached, then three soft knocks. The door opened and Klaus, my assistant entered.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Commander Leonhart," he began, "Instructor Trepe is needed in Classroom number two," he turned and nodded at Quistis.

"What is the issue," Quistis snapped. "Surely my TA can handle it." Klaus was unfazed. I was rude to him daily for years. Including that morning when I realized I'd locked myself out of my own office for the third time in a month.

"You're twenty minutes late to proctor an exam, Instructor. I believe your TA does not permission to proctor the cumulative written portion of the SeeD exam."

Quistis growled, snatched off her ID badge then thrust it into Klaus' hand. "You have the credentials. Unlock my computer and _you_ proctor it. I'm in a meeting." Klaus blinked and looked in my direction.

I shrugged. "Well? You heard her, go." I sincerely hope he was being paid well for this abuse. Klaus nodded diplomatically and left, softly closing the door behind him.


	2. Rinoa

"Just...take the rest of the day off, Quistis. You're no good to anyone like this right now. You can do that. I'm giving you an order." Hopefully the word 'order' would get her out of my office.

Quistis' eyes were fixed off into the middle distance but she nodded. Worry creased her forehead. "I'm just scared, I'm so afraid." Her voice was just a breathy whisper. "Astrid told me last night that she wanted to go to Dollet, she wants to be a field reporter."

I nodded. She'd also revealed that to me the previous day. Quistis' body softened, like she'd been braced for the worst the entire time. "She didn't mention anything else?"

I shook my head. Like what, I thought. Thanks to faculty shortages I'd had students filtering through my office for counseling, disciplinary meetings, commendations, and mission briefings for weeks. Astrid's idea didn't sound like a bad one to me. She was passionate and intelligent like her mother. She was clearly talking about the future. Wasn't she? I had known Astrid since she was born, but the formality of my position at the school prevented me from asking her how she was really doing, what she was really thinking. No "Uncle Squall" here. Thanks, Quistis. Now I'm curious too.

Quistis cleared her throat and smoothed an invisible wrinkle from her uniform jacket. "I'm fine. Really I am. I need to get downstairs, and you need Klaus on those phones." She pulled herself to her full height relaxing into her normal posture. Quistis always carried herself with an authoritative air and used it as a means to intimidate difficult students. Poised yet unapproachable.

"Suit yourself," I said rising from my chair, "the offer stands, though."

Quistis waved her hand. "Noted, but unnecessary. Thank you." The mask was back on. She turned and walked out of my office, leaving the door open as she clicked toward the elevator.

The light rain that was gently grazing the windows behind me transformed to a drenching downpour, violently slapping the glass. I stretched and my right shoulder ached. In nearly three decades of gunblade use I never once injured myself because of poor form. Yet somehow I tore a tendon in my shoulder two months ago demonstrating how to use the damned thing. Dr. Kadowaki cracked some joke about getting older as I sat in her office waiting for x-rays. I didn't find it funny.

I glanced at my watch. Half past eleven, about an hour and a half til training with Zell. He took it upon himself to provide my physical therapy following the injury. I only agreed because I wouldn't hear the end of it otherwise.

I kneaded my sore shoulder and stared at the mountain growing on my desk. All of this would have to wait. The meeting in Galbadia took precedence. I glanced around, trying to collect my thoughts. What did Quistis mean about 'something else?' I shook my head. I don't have the time to think about this, I thought.

I turned my attention back to my desk. Klaus could review some of these reports, and file them...but then I would also need someone with more seniority in here in my absence. Quistis was going on the trip, as was Zell, Irvine, Xu, and Nida. Selphie was still on maternity leave, and with this being her and Irvine's fifth I really wasn't expecting her to return to Garden this time around.

Rinoa was good at this, I thought. Arranging things. Making sure everything at Garden was handled and organized. A photo of her was nestled slightly behind one of the stacks on the desk. I moved the pile aside and picked it up. It was taken during a trip to Trabia Garden. Our son Stormy, who was six at the time, was in her arms propped up on her hip. Rinoa was laughing and pointing at something behind the person taking the picture. She wore a wide brimmed hat and her glossy black hair was pulled back into a ponytail that hung over her shoulder. Her cheeks were flushed and pink from the sunshine. She was wearing a light blue sundress that fell to her feet. Stormy was dressed in dark overalls, and his tiny feet were bare. His black hair hung in his eyes, covering half his face so only his plump cheeks and wide smile were visible.

I wasn't there with them. I had been in Galbadia helping with efforts to officially liberate Timber. Neither of us were aware at that she was pregnant again when the photo was taken. We had initially planned to have children early on, but the war with Galbadia, attacks on Trabia and Galbadia Gardens, and funding problems interrupted that. Neither of us wanted to bring a child into a dangerous life. We were married nearly ten years before Stormy arrived. I smiled. Stormy was a tiny baby, an usually small child, and now nearly adolescent he was hardly half my height. Anyone looking at the photo would've assumed Rinoa was holding a toddler, not a first grader. The trip was to visit Trabia's new facility. Selphie headed the new leadership board there at the time and invited everyone to the unveiling. Only Rinoa had the time to attend and took Stormy along.

The birthdate of my son Squall was the anniversary of his mother's death. I sighed. I didn't fight it much anymore. When she died I arrogantly assumed that time would make the pain more tolerable. Six years wasn't enough. Six thousand wouldn't be enough.

The phone on my desk began to ring, dragging me back to reality. The phone down the hall at Klaus' desk must have relayed the call to mine after ringing multiple times. Klaus intercepted every call to the headmaster's office, so I almost never had to answer my own phone. I set down the photograph and snatched the phone from the receiver.

"...hel-, uh, how ca-, this is Commander Leonhart." Goddamnit I forgot the stupid salutation.

"Yo Squall, what's goin' on up there? I was gonna tell Klaus to send you to the gym cuz the pager system aint' workin' right. Well not in the training center that is. We gotta get some work done around this joint. Especially in the training center. Anyw-"

"What do you want, Zell?"

"Geeze, what's up your butt today? Like I said, you can come down to the gym right now if ya got the time. All my usual trainees are in exams so I'm free early. Hey! We could do lunch after if you want. I already put in an order for hotdogs!"

I groaned. "Yeah, alright." Maybe I could get him to stick around my office next week. Zell's enthusiasm for life in general was nauseating but could prove to be useful when it came to needing favors.

"Sweet! See ya in a few!" The line clicked. I hung up the phone and headed to the elevator.


	3. Stormy

The training center at Balamb Garden was originally an undeveloped space that had been converted into a sort of monster nest. Grats, T-Rexars, and Bite Bugs roamed in a confined area within the place. Groundskeepers were meant to cull the excess monsters occasionally, but once the building was discovered to be mobile and unmoored itself from Balamb, multiple department's internal systems fell to the wayside.

I was unofficially given the title of Commander at 17 after an odd turn of events at Balamb Garden. I had no choice but to accept the new leadership role as no one else would take the reigns. Once things settled after the ordeal with Edea and Ultimecia I expected to return to being a regular senior student. With Headmaster Cid's mishandling of Garden's funding, among other things, was revealed he offered to transition leadership of Balamb Garden to me. I reluctantly accepted. Cid officially stepped down as Garden Headmaster five years later. I decided to keep my initial title of Commander as 'Headmaster' sounded, and still did, too paternal to me.

In the first year of heading Balamb Garden I put together several facility projects to repair damage from the battle with Galbadia Garden, crashing into Fisherman's Horizon, and regular wear and tear. The training center and the quad were the first to be remodeled. A gymnasium was added to the training center and faculty, rather than staff, were appointed to monitor the monster area. Naturally, Zell gunned for the position of Athletics Director and ended up not only running the training center but also overseeing the weapons locker and the competitive sports teams.

The gym was a huge open space, equipment hugged the perimeter. A free standing wall stood in the center of the room to divide the area. Free weights and benches were set up in front on one side. Mirrors were on the other. Garden's emblem was emblazoned on the floor and a blue banner that read "Go Fastitocalons!" hung on the back wall. The Fastitocalons were Balamb Garden's cross country team.

I spotted Zell inspecting a treadmill at the back of the room. He scribbled something on a clipboard and unplugged it. When he walked back around the machine he spotted me and jogged over.

"You're not wearing your jersey," he said eyeing me disapprovingly.

I changed out of my uniform into a T-shirt and basketball shorts on my way down. I'm here to torture myself for an hour, not model your stupid shirt, I thought. Zell had designed and ordered faculty sports jerseys for each of us after the Fastitocalons beat Galbadia Garden earlier that spring. Zell was wearing his of course. Red and gold stripes streaked across the front ornately crossing over the center and wrapped around to the back. 'Coach Dincht' was embroidered in white across the shoulders. I rolled my eyes.

Zell shook his head and laughed. "Don't give me that look, I was only kidding! So, let's see here..." he trailed off and flipped a few sheets on his clipboard back. "Last time we worked on range of motion. You been doin' those stretches I showed you?"

"Yes."

He scribbled something on the pad and flipped the page. "Alright. And on a scale of one to ten what's your pain level been today?"

"Can we just get started, Zell?"

Zell raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "Pain level?"

Good lord. "Two, I guess."

"Good, that's an improvement from last week. Ok then!" He snapped the papers down on the clipboard. "I think you're probably good, I mean unless you want a training sesh." First good news of the day.

"No, I think I can manage. I...do need to talk to you, though."

Zell flashed a toothy smile. The tattoo on the side of his face contracted. "You wanna talk to ME? What'd I do to get that blessed, huh?"

"I know you were slated to be part of the talks in Galbadia next week, but I need someone to run my office."

Zell squinted his eyes, nodded and scratched the stubble on his chin. "Hey, whatever you need Squall, you know I'm game for anything, man. To be honest I thought Quistis was gonna stick around here, cuz...well you know."

"No, I don't."

"There you are!"

I turned around and saw Stormy in the doorway. His uniform jacket was tied around his waist and he had a book tucked under one arm. He confidently strolled across the gym floor and stopped between Zell and I.

He must have seen that I was about to unleash unholy hell on him for cutting his classes, again, because he held the book over his head like a shield.

"Look Dad, I was at the library. For CLASS." He waved the book at me and grinned. "I called your office cuz I needed your permission to borrow it from the library."

"What. Why would you need my permission for that??"

"It's a guardian force manu-" I snatched the book out of his hand before he could finish.

"Hey! I wasn't gonna summon a GF! I don't even have one. I'm doing a research project for school, Dad!" A clump of hair flopped over his grey eyes when he crossed his arms. He'd been refusing to get it cut and the front was starting to get out of control.

"What project and for who?"

Stormy groaned. "It's for natural history with Instructor Nguyen. He said we could do it on whatever subject we wanted. Ask him, I'm not lying."

'I'm not lying,' was Stormy's new phrase.' He'd gone through a period of less than stellar behavior at school that year that I attributed to growing pains and hormones.

I stared him down and handed the book back. He grinned mischievously. His cheeks and nose were already a little burned from the sun and he had a bandage on his chin that I hadn't noticed that morning. Like Rinoa Stormy was incredibly fair complexioned, but unlike his mother he didn't have the sense to put on sunblock. He was a head shorter than most students in his cohort, but most of them had learned to stop teasing him about it after a few violent incidents.

"Oh, and Dad can I-"

"I don't care what it is the answer is no."

"But you don't even know what I was gonna ask!" Stormy whined.

"If you needed permission to check the book out and didn't get it I'm assuming you just took it off the shelf. Yes?"

Stormy pursed his lips and looked down at his feet. "Well, you didn't answer the phone! What was I supposed to do?" I glared at him incredulously.

"And waiting wasn't an option because?" I moved in closer to Stormy and Zell pretended to be interested in the ceiling tiles. He'd witnessed me whack Stormy more than a handful of times over the years but the secondhand embarrassment of seeing a child get punished was always awkward.

Stormy inched back a bit. "Well, um...the project is due tomorrow."

"In that case the answer is definitely no! I'm done, you're on lockdown."

Stormy's shoulders slumped. "Dad! Come o-" I gave him the look and he clamped his mouth shut.

I bent over so that my nose was almost touching his. "I'll pick you up after school and you're to finish this project in my office, in my presence TONIGHT or so help me I will make every second of your existence this summer a living hell. Is that clear," I growled through gritted teeth.

"Yes sir," Stormy whispered.

"Go back to class and stay there. Goodbye."

Stormy rolled his eyes and turned toward the door. "You never let me do anything," he mumbled.

I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face me. "I'm a lot of things but deaf isn't one of them." He nodded so hard his hair flopped into his eyes again. I released my grip and he ran out of the room and down the hall. I sighed and ran a hand over my face.

"No manual for this, am I right?" Zell said clapping me on the back. I almost forgot he was still there and flinched. I rubbed my temples to hold back a headache.

"What were you saying before?"

Zell's eyes darted down to the floor. "Uh, y'know it's not really all that important. It's alright. So, your office right? You just need somebody to sign off on missions and stuff, right?"

"That's the majority of it. We should be back before you need to do anything else. With the semester winding down it's all just loose ends."

"Cool!"

"I'm not putting too much on your plate?"

Zell waved his hand as though swatting at a fly. "Nah, it's a ghost town down here. I'm just doing maintenance work today and a couple PT sessions. My staff can handle that for a couple days."

I nodded. Well, that's one fire put out, I thought.

" I gotta hand it you man, you don't pay a damn lick of attention to anything outside of work. You look like a corpse." Zell ran a hand through his hair and chuckled. "C'mon, have lunch with me. You gotta take a load off for a minute."

A corpse. That's a new one, usually people were asking if I was mad all the time. "...I have a few minutes."

"Alright!"


	4. Xu

One of the first things that was agreed upon when Rinoa and I started living together was the color of the rug under the desk in my dorm. Garden had a limited number of guest suites adjacent to the shared student dorms, and Rinoa, who had lived at Garden for over a year at that point, had grown tired of sharing space with the younger students.

At first I didn't really like the idea of both of us crammed into the small room. The dorms had been designed for efficiency rather than comfort. I only visited my room for naps, showers, and changing uniforms so I hadn't spent any time furnishing the place meaningfully. Everything I owned had a specific use and purpose and it all could fit into a suitcase.

The rug was the first thing she spotted when she stepped into the room. She dropped her bag in the threshold and pointed at the floor. "We've gotta replace that ratty old thing," she exclaimed dramatically. "It looks like someone rubbed dirty boots on it!"

"I put my boots there."

Rinoa shook her head. "No, no. We're getting a new rug today!"

Balamb Garden was briefly docked outside of Dollet at the time as per the request of the Dukedom. There were tensions at the Galbadian border and Garden was the neutral party, if not an ace in the hole for Dollet. The entire situation fizzled in a week's time, but I took note of Cid's willingness to assist anyone who asked regardless of the cost to Garden's resources.

There wasn't anything to do while Garden sat there so most of the SeeDs spent their idle time in Dollet. Following their lead, Rinoa convinced me to go into the city with her to find a replacement rug. I loathed shopping. Even having to purchase food while on missions was agony. The cheerfulness of shopkeepers coupled with the rudeness of shoppers was intolerable.

The excursion took the entire day, mainly because people wouldn't quit trying to talk to and pet Rinoa's dog Angelo. I was beyond irritable when we finally found "the" rug. It was small and circular with grey and black rings. Rinoa unrolled and sat on it in right the middle of the shop. "Can you envision this in our room?"

"Let's just buy it and go back to Garden."

Rinoa shook her head. "This is important, Squall. It's the first thing we're buying for our home and it needs to be special. It'll be something we can keep forever!"

"And what if it gets dirty like the other one?"

"It won't because you're not allowed to wear your boots in the room anymore!"

She was right about keeping it forever. The rug had a home in every place we lived. My cramped dorm was home until we got married. It had technically been a violation of dorm rules for Rinoa live there at all, but the understanding was that since I was no longer a student by then the situation arose out of necessity. The rug moved with us to a small house that sat just outside of the bay in Balamb.

The transition from Garden to Balamb was actually nice at first but as my work became more and more involved when Cid resigned I reasoned that if Rinoa wanted me home every night we would have to move back to Garden. I added more practical living quarters to the list of Garden's extensive construction projects. The quad renovation took longer than expected so the permanent housing wing took three years to complete.

The new wing was built in the mezzanine level of Garden and only accessible to faculty and their families. Twenty apartment style units occupied the entire floor. Rinoa and I initially moved into a larger unit to temporarily store furniture and the extra space proved to be useful when she discovered she was pregnant with Stormy, and later with Squall.

The boys and I still lived in the same unit. And the rug that Rinoa had so carefully chosen now sat under the coffee table in the front room. Today the room was messy. A few of Squall's toys were strewn across the floor. A solitary sock hung limply over the arm of a chair, and there were crumbs on the coffee table.

Stormy kicked his shoes off behind me and dropped his book bag on the ground. He was still sulking from earlier. "You need to clean up in here."

He groaned but complied bending over to scoop up the toy cars. Fast footsteps pounded down the hall and Squall bolted through the kitchen door. He threw his arms in the air and bounced up and down. "Yay! Hi Daddy, hi Stormy!" He ran around the sofa and launched himself through the air landing in my arms. He was five and energetic as a pack of Chocobos.

"Hey buddy." I squeezed him and lightly tweaked his nose. Something pink and sticky was smeared across his chin and on the neckline his T-shirt. Thankfully he wasn't wearing his uniform. The children's version were a nightmare to get anything but dirt out of. "What's all this," I asked tickling his plump belly and poking his chin.

Squall giggled and writhed in my arms scratching at my neck and chest trying to return the tickles. "Irvy gave me ice cream!"

Unlike his brother Squall was tall for his age. Most assumed he was seven or eight, not five. He was sturdy with Rinoa's brown eyes and his hair was a deep chestnut brown. Squall had also refused to get his hair cut that winter and it was almost shoulder length. Stormy was pale year round, burning bright red on Balamb's beaches, but Squall tanned rosy peach. The tie that had held his hair back during the day had snapped and it hung wild around his face.

"Can we have hotdogs for dinner, Daddy?" Squall grabbed Greiver and danced him jingling the chain around my neck.

"We'll see. This place is a mess so you need to help your brother clean up. Then maybe we'll go outside for awhile."

Squall scrambled out of my arms and ran to the chair to get the exiled sock. 'Outside' was a trigger phrase that could inspire him to do just about anything. It no longer worked on Stormy, but I was grateful that the simple bribe was effective for one of them still.

Irvine emerged from the kitchen and pointed finger guns at Stormy who shot him a nasty look. He dramatically stumbled back and pressed both hands to his chest.

"I've been hit!"

Squall ran over to him and waved his arms in the air. "Cure! All better now!"

"Much appreciated, little man." Irvine tossled his hair and the boy ran off to finish tidying.

"Ice cream?"

" I couldn't treat my kids and leave Squall hanging." Irvine tipped his hat and smiled. "There's a scoop for Stormy in the freezer too." He winked at him and Stormy scowled again.

"I was on the phone with Seifer this afternoon, everything's still a go. He said an escort would meet us at the train station Monday morning." Hm, an 'escort.' I didn't like the sound of that.

"I hear you, I don't like the way that sounds either," Irvine said burying his hands in his pockets. "Seems fishy to me, but it's better than showing up at the border demanding access to the ministry."

I nodded. Once we were in the country there would be no way to contact Garden in case anything went wrong. Seifer's team of three would be the only back up, and they were deep underground. If we accidentally blew their cover the consequences would be dire.

"Did Klaus send you an email about the meeting tomorrow?"

"Yeah. You know I'll be there."

"Good. I'm going to go over the game plan and we need to run a few more risk simulations. I'm expecting a call from Seifer tomorrow night to confirm the meeting place."

"You talk to Quistis today?" Irvine took off his hat and held it.

"Yes, briefly but not about next week." Well, it hadn't started that way. I was still furious at myself for forgetting about the mission at all. I had limited my GF use greatly after the use of them had clearly affected my long term memory. But a few recent studies out of Esthar seemed to imply that heavy GF usage even for short periods of time could affect short term memory as well. It could be that. Yet, being that I was now in my forties, it wasn't unusual for me to walk into a room and forget what I went in there for either.

"Oh I know. She's pretty embarrassed about going to you but I guess Astrid's giving her a hard time."

I glanced over at Stormy who was wiping the the crumbs off the table with the speed of a blobra. Join the party, Quistis.

"Well that and Xu and Seifer are kind of a thing now too so that can't be making stuff any easier."

"I'm sorry what!?"

"Ah, fuck."

So that's what Zell didn't say, I thought. Stormy and Squall giggled and I pointed to the door. "Go clean your rooms." Stormy looked like he wanted to protest but stomped off down the hall anyway. Squall followed, bouncing the whole way.

Irvine scratched his head nervously. "I thought you knew already. Guess not. Well, I mean, it shouldn't be a problem."

"Except it is."

Irvine rolled his eyes. "Since when did you even care about this kinda stuff. Yeah, it kinda looks bad but Quistis has to move on you know? And we need them both, yes?"

I glared at Irvine. "I can't have Xu or Quistis on the away team because it's a violation of protocol and I can't trust them now! Otherwise I wouldn't care."

Once we all started coupling new rules were put in place to avoid errors in judgement during missions. No couples, married or otherwise, were permitted to attend the same mission either as a team or assist. That rule stood for teaching and the internal runnings of Garden as well. With the exception of Rinoa helping in my office occasionally the rule was never broken. I knew having Quistis on the mission was toeing the edge since she and Seifer HAD been married but I was sure she would be objective about it. Now I would be down two people.

"It's not too late to reconsider what we're doing, you know." Irvine set his hat back on his head.

"No, it's not."


	5. Eden

Nida tapped the computer screen with the tip of his pen. "Is this map current?"

No, it's ten years old, I thought. God. "It's the most recent version of the drawn borders of the Galbadian region that we have. There is some possibility that some of them have expanded or shrunk but we do know for a fact that Dollet's border has held."

Nida nodded and paused to write something on the meeting itinerary Klaus had supplied everyone that morning. He took off his glasses and pressed them into his graying hair. "Best case scenario we're able to negotiate a deal to have each imprisoned team released. What is this proposed deal?"

I looked around the table. Zell, Irvine, and Quistis sat on one side. Xu and Nida on the other. "We'll be offering them Galbadia Garden." The group murmured discontent.

"Say what?" Zell knocked his knuckles against the table. "I can give you a hundred reasons why that's not a good idea."

I held up a hand to silence them. "The facility is derelict and non mobile. We haven't any use for it."

"And it's a decoy," Xu interjected. "They'll think we've surrendered that campus to them. It's all about power. Well, the appearance of it anyway."

Galbadia Garden's original facility had ceased normal operations over twenty years ago when it had been forcibly seized by the Galbadian Army. Seifer had briefly sided with Galbadia and lead the assault. Lucky for Seifer, Cid was incredibly forgiving of his treasonous acts later and he was permitted to return to Garden for a probationary period.

As a student I strongly disliked Seifer and his cocky attitude. After being thoroughly humiliated and nearly losing his life in a failed crusade for greatness with as a sorceress' knight his ego was checked. The defeat made him a more tolerable human being but I didn't officially grant Seifer the title of SeeD until after Cid's retirement. I wanted to be absolutely sure he wouldn't turn again. He worked hard to earn my trust, volunteering for every mission dealing with Galbadia and eventually earning commendations for leadership.

When the borders were shut down a year ago Seifer and his team were on their way back from inspecting Galbadia Garden. It had been flown back to its original home in the Lollapalooza Canyon a decade or so before and stood empty. Seifer had wanted to take inventory of the machinery in the engineering level of the building. Although none of it worked because the unknown power source had been depleted, they could be repurposed and used in Balamb Garden. When it became clear a salvage of the building's materials wouldn't be possible I got in contact with Fisherman's Horizon. Their machinists were able to make enough repairs to our existing machines to last another decade.

"We all need to give up the hope that that facility will ever be used again. That ship has sailed." Xu moved her arm in a slicing motion for emphasis. "It's a good hook, but what's the alternative if they don't take the bait?"

"We've literally got nothing," Irvine answered. "Outside of wanting SeeDs in their army we don't have anything they'll want enough to exchange people for."

"No. We do." Quistis had been uncharacteristically quiet, listening with her hands folded under her chin. "They want Eden."

Everyone exchanged glances once more but no one spoke. One of the fractured sects of the Galbadian military had acquired Bahamut from one of the SeeDs killed in the reoccupation of Timber. There had been reports of a dragon burning villages before the army arrived to finish the capture.

"That's why we need to be prepared to get everyone out by force if necessary." I stood and walked over to the screen. "There's absolutely no way to be sure that anything will happen in our favor once we're there. We could step off the platform in Timber and be killed immediately." I paused, waiting to be sure each person was listening. "Let me be entirely clear: our top priority is to defend Garden. And while this is definitely a rescue mission every single person there knows that if Garden is threatened in any way they are no longer the mission objective."

"That's bullshit." Zell folded his arms across his chest tightly.

"It's Garden policy whether you agree with it or not," Xu said sharply. "Our personal feelings cannot be involved."

"Oh that's rich coming from you," Zell muttered under his breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xu leaned forward in her chair and glared at him murderously.

"Alright, I'll say it. If it was up to me, you, and you wouldn't be anywhere near this mission." He jabbed a finger at both Quistis and Xu. "Personal feelings my ass."

"Let's all be grateful that it isn't up to you then, shall we?" Xu's voice was testy.

"Feel free to jump in anytime, Ace," said Zell sarcastically.

Irvine and Nida shifted uncomfortably in their chairs and Quistis dropped her hands in her lap. Silence blanketed the room. It was not yet ten in the morning and I was exhausted. I dragged a hand over my face and breathed deeply for a moment. There would be no point in engaging in either side of this argument.

"...I've made my decision. Zell, Irvine, Quistis, and Nida: you will go with me to Galbadia. Xu, I need you here at Garden. Seifer will take Xu's place if necessary. There will be no more discussion about the party order, is that clear? Zell?"

Zell rolled his eyes. "Affirmative."

I moved back toward the computer's map feeling lightheaded. "We'll depart the Balamb station at 8:30am Monday morning arriving in Timber at approximately 10:45. It'll be the only train running to Timber so there shouldn't be any delays. From there we'll meet the escort and go directly to the Timber Hotel to meet the Prime Minister at noon. If all goes as planned and the offer is accepted we'll go to Deling to pick up the released teams then meet Seifer and his group back in Timber on Thursday. We should all be back in Balamb by Friday at the latest. I'll have no way of contacting Garden on our movements except through Seifer if he's able to relay any messages."

"What's the plan if they want Eden," Irvine asked, removing his hat.

"We rescind the original offer and head back to the train station. The escort will be there to see the train off but we'll need to disable it and any soldiers onboard before it reaches the tunnel back to Balamb. From there we'll hopefully meet Seifer in Dollet and split up. One party will head to the desert, the other to Deling. Do not, and I repeat, do NOT wait to rejoin with the opposite party once you've picked up the captive teams. I expect each of you to use your best judgement and obey protocol. Once the objective is complete, make your way to the Continental Bridge and onward to Fisherman's Horizon to make contact with Garden."

"That's...an ambitious back up plan," Nida said pulling his glasses back onto his face.

"There are no other alternatives."

"Well," said Zell scratching his chin, "outside of starting all out war, it'll have to do."

"I don't see the ministry just rolling over and accepting Galbadia Garden." Quistis took a sip of coffee from the mug at her elbow and continued. "Or just letting us walk out of Timber. There is some very extreme risk involved here. One, a few, or all of us may not return."

"Yeah, but how is that different than any other day," Irvine asked, leaning back in his chair. "Think about it. We've all put our lives on the line more times than we can count. So yeah, the stakes are high...but we've got a job to do."

She was right, but so was Irvine. We were mercenaries. Death was always at our door no matter what the mission objective was.

"There has not been a rescue mission of this magnitude in Garden's history," I said turning to face the group. "I have no reassuring precedent to present to you all. I'm fully expecting conflict at some point even if we are met with success. All I'm asking for is teamwork."

When I looked around the table again everyone was staring at me, open mouthed, bug eyed. Quistis stood so quickly her chair flipped back and clattered to the floor. "Squall," she said calmly, "you need to take a few steps back from the table."

Zell stood too. "You alright, man?"

Before I could answer the room faded to black.


	6. Memory

Rinoa loved the outdoors, especially Balamb's beaches. Whenever she couldn't sleep she would go there to "talk to the moon." When I asked her what she meant she said, "sometimes you need to talk to someone who's seen it all." I didn't pry any further than that because I thought it would turn into yet another argument about my perceived lack of listening skills. She smiled wistfully and squeezed my arm. "Just think about all the secrets people have told her. She knows it all."

I didn't really take notice of how much insomnia Rinoa experienced until after she died. Sometimes I would hear her slide out of bed in the early hours of the morning. I was usually too drunk with exhaustion to ask her what she was doing and too busy to discuss it during the day. Rinoa was always up before me no matter what time my alarm went off. I had assumed it was because she was a morning person, when in reality she hadn't been able to coax herself back to sleep.

I don't think she was actively trying to keep her condition a secret from me. She really didn't like talking about any physical issue pertaining to herself but was hyper vigilant about my and Stormy's health. She would see me eating a hotdog at my desk and say, "that's your last one this week, ok? There's way too much salt in those." On the rare occasion I was sick she would force me to spend the day on the couch. "You have to rest at some point," she'd say wagging her finger in my face. "This is your body forcing you to slow down. You need to listen to me." Then she'd throw a blanket over my legs and disappear into the kitchen to make tea. At first it annoyed me, but I learned to let her be. I wasn't good at looking out for myself before I met her and when she passed I wasn't inspired to start.

I woke up in the infirmary with a burning headache and an IV in my arm. The lights were dimmed and a few bars of sunlight pierced through the blinds above the cot I was laying on. I moved to sit up and my head started swimming again. I lay flat and rubbed my eyes. I must've passed out, I thought.

The door slid open and Dr Kadowaki breezed in. She was in her seventies now, but still ran the infirmary with little help. Age had shrunken her a bit, back rounded, her posture slightly bent forward. Her white hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her lab coat was buttoned halfway, revealing a floral patterned skirt underneath. She turned the lights up and moved to my side.

"My my, we've been seeing a lot of each other lately haven't we?"

Other than my shoulder injury I had also been burnt by Gayla acid that winter in Trabia. The burn itself hadn't been that bad, but it got infected before I could return to Garden for regular dressing changes.

"...what, what happened?" The headache was intense. Did I hit my head too?

"Well, when your office called me they said that you had collapsed. You hit your head on a table on the way down and probably on the floor too. I felt two eggs when I examined you."

I groaned and felt my head with my free hand. A tender lump on the back and a massive ball on my temple. Fantastic.

"You lost consciousness because you're very, very, very dehydrated. And I'm guessing you couldn't tell me when you ate your last meal either?"

"I had lunch yesterday." I'd had a few sips coffee that morning, but didn't finish the cup.

"And before that?"

"I'm not sure, something the day before that probably. Some coffee, I guess."

The doctor shook her head and smiled. She touched my arm gently.

"You've got two boys who need you, you've got to look after yourself too, dear." She tapped the bag draining into my body. "This should help get you hydrated. I can mix a potion for your head to bring that swelling down if you'd prefer that to an ice pack."

"Please."

"Alrighty then. I'm also prescribing eight glasses of water and THREE square meals each day. I know it sounds like a lot but it's not as hard to stay adequately hydrated when you're eating regularly. Easier said than done in this line of work, I know."

"...can I go back to work?"

"Oh, definitely not today. I'd like to keep an eye on you for now since you've hit your head twice."

"What ab-"

She touched my shoulder. "As long as you take it easy the rest of the week I'll have no trouble clearing you to leave on Monday, Squall. Let's worry about the here and now, shall we?"

I relaxed back onto the pillow and sighed. "I need to call upstairs."

The doctor reached over to the wall, pulled a phone from its base and handed it to me. "I'll go mix up this potion for you," she said patting my leg.

I punched in the number to Klaus' desk and waited for him to pick up. "Good morning, you've reached the Headmaster's Office, how may I direct your call?"

"Klaus, it's me."

"Oh, hello sir! How are you feeling?"

Like I've been attacked by a pack wendigos. "Just dehydrated, I'll be fine. Listen, I'll be out the rest of the day. I need you to cancel all my afternoon appointments and pick the boys up after sixth period."

"Noted sir, however, Instructor Trepe has already offered to get them this afternoon. She said that she was going to speak with you as soon as the doctor cleared you for visitors."

Whatever. They'd probably end up at her place that night anyway. Zell's three sons were rough and destructive, Irvine had a mountain of kids at his place and probably wouldn't welcome any more. Xu babysat Stormy once when he was a toddler and never offered again.

"...alright. I'll call you again if I can think of anything else."

"Certainly. Oh and, sir?"

"What, Klaus?"

"Take all the time you need."

The line clicked and I punched the 'end' button. Ugh. I hated being fretted over. It was acceptable when Rinoa did it because I found it cute. This was not that. I rolled to my side and slowly sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the cot. Someone had taken off my boots and slid blue hospital booties onto my stocking feet. My stomach lurched. Three meals a day? Not happening today, that's for sure.

I looked around the room. It was sparse and immaculately clean. White and blue checkered tile covered the floor. The walls were light blue. An examination table covered in paper was against the wall in the far corner and a sink was attached to the opposite side of the wall. Two low, uncomfortable looking chairs sat on either side of the door. A poster diagramming the nervous system was attached to the door. A small bulletin board was hung next to the cot. Most of the pamphlets tacked to it were for events several years out of date including one advertising the opening of the then "new" quad. My eyes stopped when I spotted a familiar postcard. In a delicate cursive font the title read "Remembering Rinoa Heartilly-Leonhart." The details of the service were listed below in a regular typeface.

Rinoa's memorial service wasn't planned by me, or any of my friends for that matter. Once the student body caught wind of her death they organized the entire event. I was in such a strange frame of mind it hadn't occurred to me to even plan a funeral much less a memorial service. It was held in the meadow outside of the orphanage in Centra. I sat in the front row of the crowd, Rinoa's father on one side, Stormy on the other, and a week old Squall in my lap. Faculty and students took turns recounting their favorite memories of her. Selphie had volunteered to speak but by the time it was her turn she was sobbing too hard to get any words out. Irvine filled in, stiltedly talking about when he first met Rinoa. Not the best story for her funeral, but it did get an inappropriate laugh from me, of all people. Everyone pretended like they didn't hear it. Someone played a violin version of "Eyes On Me" and the students released thousands of white balloons into the sky. My burning headache whisked me back to the present and I pressed my lips together to hold back whatever emotion was trying to creep out. Not. Today.

The door slid open again and Quistis stepped in. "The doctor said it would be alright?"

"...yeah." I didn't want to nod, I was starting to feel sore from the fall in other places.

"I don't know if Klaus told you, but I'll get the boys and they can come home with me tonight. I don't mind. You keep Syke and Astrid so often I suppose I should step it up some." Or period.

Quistis motioned to the door. "She says you have to stay overnight so is there anything you want me to get you? A change of clothes, toothbrush, a book?"

Overnight? This day keeps getting better and better, I thought. Since I had to travel frequently I kept overnight bags pre-packed just in case. "Yeah, there's a bag ready in the closet in the front room." I dug in my pocket and tossed her my keys.

Quistis nodded and adjusted her glasses. "Anything else?"

Peace of mind. "There's some stuff in my office, but I can have Klaus bring it down."

"I could get it though, I really don't mind."

I eyed her suspiciously. What's going on?

"Listen." Quistis looked over her shoulder to see if the doctor was around then shut the door. "I owe you an apology. For yesterday." She paused and bit her lip, searching for the words she wanted to say. "I...Xu is one of the reasons...She's one of the reasons Seifer and I separated to begin with. Then I found out she's been talking to Astrid about becoming a field reporter, and then moving in with her and Seifer when he gets back and I..." She trailed off and stared down at her feet. "I lost it. I'd held it all in for so long it all just came out in a rush. I never should have taken it out on you, and I apologize."

That seemed bold of Xu, but she was one who got whatever she set her sights on, dealing with whoever was in her way. Like Quistis, Xu was a prodigy. Quistis was more decorated in spite of being let go then reinstated as an instructor. Their rivalry had been intense and Xu had disapproved when Cid reinstated Quistis' position. There was bad blood between the two since. I had known of the mutual dislike, I just hadn't thought that Seifer was also involved.

"I guess I made the right choice for the mission, then."

Quistis smiled weakly. "Yes." She walked to the window and adjusted the blinds letting more daylight into the room. "Just so we're on the same page: I don't want to get back together with Seifer...and I don't care that he's with Xu now. They're a better match than we ever were, and if he's finally happy, I'm happy. I do want the father of my children home safely, I but I swear my performance in this mission will not suffer because of that."

"Understood."

Quistis' eyes drifted to the bulletin board and then to the postcard. She swallowed and moved closer, plucking it off. "Oh, Squall. Yo-"

"Stop."

I had caught her off guard. Quistis flinched and held her hands to her midriff as though shielding herself.

I looked away from her searching blue eyes. "I...can't."

She nodded resolutely and tucked the card into her hip pocket. She straightened again and adjusted her jacket.

"Ok then, so I'll tell Klaus to call down in a bit and I'll pick up the kids today."

"Yes."

"Ok, good." She lightly touched my shoulder. "I'll bring them by later to see you before we head home for the night."

"Sounds fine."

Quistis looked like she wanted to ask me something but shook her head. "Get some rest, why don't you?" With that she turned and walked out of the room.

My neck and back had started ache in the short time I was sitting upright so I pulled my legs back onto the cot and rolled down into the supine position. I shut my eyes. Just get through today, I thought.


End file.
